Fiddler "off" the Roof. Jewish Mom, verbal Banterer living life off the ledge:)

Ok, you see us everywhere. If you live in the ‘Burg, you can’t avoid us. The perception of us is a cross between “Fiddler on the Roof” and the insulated community of the Amish, but with mustaches and technology. Real estate has made for some strange bedfellows and while it seems that in a community that prides itself in celebrating its uniqueness and diversity, there are still some negative connotations and old wives’ tales that are born out of a lack of knowledge or politically correct trepidation. After a lifetime of tolerating comments such as, “Funny, you don’t look Chasidic,” and other brilliant barbs, I would like to initiate an open and informative forum to satisfy all your curiosities regarding the Chasidic “Sects in the City.” It is my sincere hope that this can foster greater communication between people and dispel many of the misconceptions that can cause rifts between the artistic, free-spirited colony of Williamsburg and its predecessors, the ultra-Orthodox Observant Jews known as “Chasidim.” Before we get to the “sex through the sheet” myth, I would like to clarify a few facts about the definition of a Chasidic Jew. The word “chassidus” in Hebrew means “piety” and comes from the root “chesed,” meaning loving-kindness. This movement started in the 18th century as an alternative to the dogmatic and fear-inducing observance of the Torah and its tenets. It was started by a rabbi called the Baal Shem Tov, which literally means “Master of the Good Name.” He felt that serving God through love and spirituality was a great and evolved level of faith. (I personally think he was the original “hippie.”) He would travel throughout Europe helping people understand that we are all equal, yet we have our unique and individual contribution to this world with the paramount responsibility to respect all living beings. He was in fact a Kabbalistic Rabbi, who lived way before “Madonna.” If you would like to know the correct lingo, the word is “Chasid,” not “Hasid.” Not “CH” as in “Chad,” but “Ch” as in the feeling of acid reflux causing the phlegm to regurgitate creating a gurgling and unattractive sound – sort of like a tickle in your throat. Once you have that down, you’re on your way to the proper enunciation of the word. (Practice using it the next time your bike nearly swipes a payes-filled school bus on the Southside.) Finally, we get around to the fascination with the “Sheet.” This is a total fabrication. The custom of wearing white on your wedding day as a symbol of purity extends to the wedding night, where one is commanded to enjoy intimate physical relations and uplift the sexual act to a high level of holiness. Thus, the first time takes place on white linen. This is all symbolic and not rabbinical, or any other type of mandatory “law.” We are taught that anything between a consenting, married couple is accepted and that it is imperative that they satisfy each other in all possible ways that is respectful to both of them. Frankly, I still don’t understand how this morphed into the widespread rumor that it is, but I do know that sex through a linen hole is completely false. Since this is my first foray into writing a column of this nature, I ask that you submit your questions so I can try to answer them as best as I can. Though I am not a certified expert, I have spent all of my life as an “Observant” Jew and would like to share whatever I can. I truly believe that knowledge is the key to all understanding.