When I first heard you were running for the highest office in the land, I thought to myself "Doesn't he already have the highest office in the land ...in trump Tower?
I, like others, thought it was a prank, like when Sarah Palin ran in 2008, but, apparently, it wasn't.
You surprised all of us by seducing yourself (and us masochists) with your charm and highbrow campaign tactics and referring to yourself in the "third person". I am so pleased to see that you are acting more presidential by flip-flopping on issues. You fit right in. You're a natural! Therefore, I am officially endorsing you and respectfully request that you consider me as Your Vice Presidential running mate.
Currently I'm looking for a job and think I'm perfect for this position, though I really don't know what it is, besides sitting behind the president during his State of the Union address and making sure you don't fall asleep, eat, twitch, sneeze, make an obscene gesture or roll your eyes. Sort of what I do,now, when you speak oh and be on stand by, if g-d forbid, you croak,
Here's Why I'm great for the gig:
1. I'm thinner than Chris Christie and don't need custom clothes, I can save the country thousands by implementing my "Marshall Plan"and never shopping retail again. (I prefer the Marshall's in NJ; no sales tax )
2. I don't need Secret Service. I'm from Brooklyn, I kickbox and carry mace. Most of the time those guys are partying with hookers in Columbia anyway.
3. I'm an orthodox Jewish woman and still attractive. I'm warm, friendly and can make a mean cholent and shabbos for ivanka and her family, plus I look great in her fashion line. With the "family discount" and having it shipped to my daughter in law's mother in jersey ..no sales tax again!! (See, I'm fiscally conservative)
I can, then, ensure that we will lock up the women's vote, Jewish vote, men who love cougars' vote and jersey vote (with the exception of the real "boss", Bruce Springsteen)
Most of all, my diplomatic and negotiating skills are far superior to Donald Trump.
For example.
Just this past Mother's Day, I resolved a heated conflict by negotiating with the toughest people in the world, my two granddaughters, aged 32 months and three years old.
These tough little girls, occupied my lap and refused to disband their settlement, until I gave them chocolate ice cream. It became extremely tense, because there was only one chocolate ice cream cone. It almost turned violent, but I bought in my team and we were able to diffuse and resolve the situation. Toddler number one could eat it, but toddler number two got to ride the princess Sofia bicycle. It was brutal, but peace prevailed. A third granddaughter might still take this case to court, but first she has to learn to talk and get potty trained,
I also negotiated the price of a Fendi knock-off from 300 to 100 bucks ( it's a 'grey" area) in Manhattan! I had such momentum, I returned something I bought 6 months ago, WITHOUT THE RECEIPT.
Lastly, since Washington is bankrupt, I think we need to start having singles parties at the White House for all ages, genders and orientations. For a small cover and a two drink minimum, before you know it, there'll be a surplus. Who's going to turn down a party at the White House?
Thank you for your Consideration.
Yours truly
(Don't worry, I promise not to steal your thunder, but I might steal one of melania's baubles ( she won't notice;)
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