I’m driving, I mean crawling, down the BQE during rush hour when I hear the dreaded “yelp” of a police siren. Yeh, they pulled me over. Here’s how it went down. (The good news is I’m not incarcerated)
Me: (muttering, repeatedly, words my kids tell me never to say)
“
Hi Guys, you couldn’t possibly be pulling me over for speeding!”
Cops: “Ma’am, do you know you cut us off?”
Me: “I’m so sorry officers, I always cut men off, guess I’m a creature of habit”.
Cop #1: “So you’re a comedian?”.
Me: “No, but I know you stopped me because of racial profiling”? (hey, I’m desperate here)
Cop #1: “Racial Profiling?, License and registration please”.
Me: “I want a lawyer- Gloria Allred might be appropriate, since you’re also sexually harassing me”, Oh and I’m also a Muslim”.
Cop #1: “I’m a muslim and you’re no muslim….Can you recite anything from the Quran”?
Me: “ I’m a dyslexic Muslim, so the only word I know Is “Allah” , because it’s almost the same backwards and forwards- I also have friends in the press on speed dial”.
Cop #2: So She’s a “wisenheimer” (I haven’t heard that expression since 1989)
I, then, try another way out.
Me: “Listen, I’m a single mother, I have a lot of stress and I promise I didn’t mean to cut you off. I love cops! I watched every “Law and Order” episode that there ever was. I had a crush on Erik Estrada when I was a kid and the cops in Nassau County were the only ones that helped me when I
was going through a terrible divorce.”
Cop #1: “Have you ever dated a cop”?
Me: “ I tried, but I always felt I was being interrogated and he never laughed at my jokes; sort of like you two”.
Cop #1 (actually grinning while looking at my license, PBA card and another card that says I am a relative of a chaplain of the police dept.) “Yeh, I see you’re a Muslim”…Who’s the guy you know at the department”?
Me: “Imam Rosenberg”?
And I didn’t get a citation. Must be my lucky day. Praise allah
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