Bagels and the Devil.

After fifteen minutes of surveillance to ensure that the Carbohydrate Police, My Carbs Anonymous sponsor and my gym peers wouldn't catch me falling off the wagon, I fled into "Bagels and Things" like a rapper running away from a DNA test.   I had come fully prepared with a justifiable alibi if someone recognized me, I was either a)buying water b)meeting a friend or c) running the NYC marathon.  I had even taken off my red hermes bracelet so they couldn't identify me in a line-up if the worst case scenario ensued. I was ready for my clandestine bagel binge.

As I contemplated which brand of crack I would ingest, Pete (not his real name), the owner and Chief Bagel pusher, welcomed me with a boisterous "hey, howya doin'-you wannaneverything bagel, toasted with lite cream cheese"? I was mortified. I regretted not fabricating a name and calling in the order.  How  dim-witted was that? I guess I was so caught up in the anticipated high, my brain was as mushy as the cream cheese in the display case.  I needed to switch topics....fast.

"How's the family"? I politely inquired. As he updated me on the progress of his kids, I feigned incredible fascination with Petey Jr's latest percentile rating at the pediatrician's in order to divert attention from bagel talk. I then proceeded to tell him that I had started blogging for small businesses  and setting up social media for them on the web. I casually asked him if he had a Facebook page, Twitter account or website.   To my utter shock (and it takes a lot to shock a jaded jewish new yorker), he informed me that he was an Orthodox Christian and believed that the internet was the "working of the devil". Without hesitation I retorted that I was an Orthodox Jew and I believed that BAGELS were the working of the devil! Even the heat from the ovens confirmed my view.  While I respect and tolerate all races and religions....Pete lecturing me on the devil was like Lindsay Lohan doing an anti- Drug PSA.  We agreed to disagree and found common ground in discussing our spirituality and our mutual views of treating all with kindness and compassion.  I left with an extra side portion of potato salad. What a guy!

Thankfully, I didn't have to answer to anyone regarding my transgression, but I did acquire a new excuse...The Devil made me do it!