I Kvetch, Therefore I am

When I was born, instead of crying when the doctor slapped me, I kvetched.  I wanted to return to the womb.  If I remember correctly, I said “WTF am I doing here, take me back…UCH!!”  Why would I want to be in Brooklyn, when I just came from a beautiful angelic sanctuary, where I was bathed in an ethereal light and nurtured by the Lord himself?  Would YOU choose Eastern Parkway over Heaven?  Yep, didn’t think so.  And, so the kvetching began and continues until this day.

To be perfectly sexist here, girls are whiners.  From the time that we are toddlers, we have perfected a sing-song whine that confirms that we are genetically pre-disposed to complain. Now add being “Jewish” to that and it’s complaining on steroids, thus the world “Kvetch”.  It’s in our DNA as Jews.   Since we were persecuted and targeted by every civilization in history, we always had to “shlep” and move, since you never knew when a “progrom” would be coming to wipe you off the face of the earth.  Before you could say “Bergdorf Goodman”, we were forced to flee with the few possessions we could sell at a small mark-up and trek across countries and continents and find another place we could kvetch about.  (This is also how we got into the garment Industries and comedy. We schlepped and we kvetched, all the while singing “100 jars of chicken schmaltz on the wall.” )

From the days of us roaming the desert without “Waze”, all we did was “kvetch”.  We kvetched about leaving Egypt, we kvetched about the food in the desert.  We kvetched about Moses. We kvetched about going to Israel.  Even when G-d himself revealed his holiness to us, we were so thankful and awestruck, but five minutes later, we were back to kvetching.  If the generation that saw G-d’s miracles and experienced freedom from slavery had to kvetch, what makes you think that us mortal, unevolved Jews wouldn’t? 

For a while, I tried to stop.  I attended “KA” meetings and practiced mindfulness, gratefulness and most of all kindness.  I quit complaining.  I became a vessel of love and compliments towards others.  Every time I felt like “kvetching”, I replaced it with.  “I’m so blessed to love and be loved by many”.   I was more Zen than Demi Moore and Madonna at a kaballah retreat. I got softer, more sensitive, but to be honest, something in me was missing and I, really, longed for it.

 It was my sarcasm, my humor and my ability to make people smile and laugh.  I realized that through my “kvetching”, I was making others feel better about themselves and their challenging predicaments.   If they would complain, I would say “You think YOU have it bad….?” And somehow, they would smile, laugh and breathe deeply with the knowledge that they were not alone in their grief or problems.  Humor is very healing and so is kvetching!  I learned to embrace it with both arms: (With the exception of my right shoulder which is really killing me!:)

Now I’m back to my authentic self which is a “Kvetch”.  I like to call myself an “inspirational Kvetcher”.  

Note:  I am available for personal instruction and healing through kvetching consultations, but don’t call me until ten in the morning…I’m exhausted.